Since when did not having a phat ass take away your black card? Big butts have always been associated with being the quintessential black woman. Now-a-days every Sarah, Kim, and Becky has a butt so I guess I am not a woman right. Bihh I aint got that and I never will. I just started to understand that though, yep its pretty sad because I am 29 years old. Wanting to change my look started in middle school because thats when the boys hormones really kicked in and I didn't have any flocking to me because I had braces, my hair was horrible and I had bad skin. Oh and no butt just breast. They probably wouldn't have cared about any of that if my ass was phat. The grooming of young people starts really early and TV played a big role because thats when video girls were popping and if you didn't have a body like that you weren't popping and if your girl didn't look like that you were lame...
Before I even thought about boys I was really into my skin because the women close to me didn't have skin problems, like none at all. When I saw my mom and aunt I use to think how the heck did I end up with these stretch marks and acne *bad genes.* I had gotten stretch marks from growing really fast. They were all over the dang place my breast, butt, and lower back. Why do I have stretch marks at the age of 10 this can’t be real life and they will ALWAYS be here, ALWAYS. Yeah, I did get a few stretch marks from pregnancy at 8 months, but those don’t even bother me at all because I was able to create life and they are pretty small compared to the ones that I had gotten as a child. On top of that I had big breast and still do to this day lol they just kept growing and growing so I always told myself that once I had a child I would get a breast reduction, B cup I am coming for you.
Ok so lets recap my list:
1. Flawless skin
2. Big Butt
3. Oh with that butt Imma need some hips
4. How did I forget about this one, a smaller nose
This list has caused me to blossom later in life, lack of parents probably helped the most because I had no one to enforce that I was beautiful but I digress. I constantly heard from my peers and some family members “You should gain weight,” “Damn she ain’t got no booty,” or “You are really
skinny.” Nobody was checking for me and it changed a little when I got in high school, hair was laid and the braces came off and I got a little boyfriend. It still didn't change how I felt about myself as I still was the skinny girl and I just needed the body and the clear skin, so I could be a bad bihhhhhhh.
College came around and I started to see all types of girls winning, so that gave me a boost like you got this Chaun, don’t play yourself. I started to learn what my body type was and how to make clothes work for it. Learning my body type was really important because then I finally understood that I would never have that phat ass or those hips. My goals for my body are now aligned with things that I can actually obtain without plastic surgery. I am going to me be. I also learned that my skin issues are associated with my hormone break out and freaking dairy and maybe some other foods *I putting off the allergy test because I want to eat everything.* Its under control for the most part and I can get a routine and small procedures to help correct that, so no biggie.
I was obsessing over the wrong things.
Fuck that list, work with what you have.
Society has set women up for failure. I don’t have a big ole nasty phat ass and my skin isn’t flawless and my features aren’t caucasian like. And that shit is ok. I am a cool person and nobody can take that away. Comparing yourself to others will be the death of you. If I got all this work done it would always be something else and it doesn’t keep a man or make me happy.
Take the time to understand you.